


stars spinning inches away

by rottenboy (TechnicalTragedy)



Series: syzygy [2]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Alternate Universe, Breakfast, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 06:26:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8787121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/rottenboy
Summary: (or: robbie and sportacus talk, sleep, talk, and fail to take a hint. in that order.)Robbie loves his best friend more than he would care to admit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> thinkin bout thos Boys
> 
> real quick note: eating disorder is not explicit/detailed, it is referenced and concern is expressed over it. just in case, stay safe.

The light from the streetlamp cuts over Sportacus' face with its harsh glow, making him look like a fluorescent angel. Robbie tries not to stare at him, but there isn't much else to look at, this late.

 

Trixie and Stephanie had wanted to hang out, had pressed Robbie and Sportacus to come over to their shared apartment. They're making their way back to Sportacus' house now, exhaustion tugging at their heels and making their legs leaden as they try to make their way back home.

 

Home. Robbie thinks of Sportacus' house as more of a home than his own. It's a little scary, but a lot exciting.

 

Sportacus bumps into him, bringing Robbie from his thoughts and his eyes back to his best friend's face, the changing angle of light and shadow playing over his grinning features. Robbie's always loved that about Sportacus, how he smiles with his whole body.

 

"Did you have fun?" Sportacus asks, that million-watt smile directed up at Robbie and making his heart skip a beat.

 

Robbie shrugs. It had been okay. A little too high energy for his tastes, but he liked Stephanie and Trixie as much as he could like anyone who wasn't Sportacus. "As a whole, it wasn't bad. I'm tired.”

 

Sportacus' smile turns secretive and he leans into Robbie, his eyebrows cocked upwards. "And did you notice just how touchy Trixie was being?" he asks, voice going deeper on the question like it's an innuendo.

 

Robbie smiles back, tiny and soft and just for Sportacus. "They're getting somewhere, I think,” he says. “Maybe soon they'll talk, and hopefully do something other than talking while they're at it.”

 

Sportacus looks pleased, grin pulling so wide his eyes turn to tiny slits. "I hope they get there soon. We've been rooting for them for years.”

 

Robbie almost misses the fact that they're home, he's so distracted by the infectious nature of Sportacus' smile, but he catches himself just in time to notice. They file into Sportacus' house, his obnoxious clapper lights coming on as Sportacus claps as loud as he possibly can.

 

Sluggishly, Robbie changes into his pajamas, all the energy he'd had seemingly sucked out of him once he walked into the house. He flops onto the bed in the guest room he's claimed as his, stretching out as far as he can on the mattress, and closes his eyes. He's on the very precipice of sleep when a quiet knock sounds at his door. He acknowledges it with a groan, and the door tentatively pushed open, revealing a distressed-looking Sportacus on the other side.

 

"What is it?" Robbie mumbles, face pressed into the pillow with the exception of one eye to look at Sportacus with.

 

"Can I sleep with you, tonight? I can't get to sleep in my own bed," Sportacus says, his hair wild and his pointy ears drooping sadly.

 

Robbie knows for a fact that Sportacus hasn't even tried to sleep yet, had heard him banging around in his own room just down the hall, but still he shifts over enough that it can't be misconstrued as anything other than an open invitation into his bed. Sportacus crawls into bed, setting his own pillow down and cuddling up against Robbie's back, his body warm like a furnace. Robbie can't complain, though, because he usually gets cold in his sleep.

 

"Thank you, Robbie," Sportacus says, breath hot against the nape of Robbie's neck.

 

Holding back his shudder is a test of willpower, but Robbie manages it. He lays his hand over Sportacus' arm, feeling off-kilter at the intimate position. "Anytime," Robbie says, and he isn't surprised to find that he means it, that he'd love to have Sportacus in his bed every night. "Anything for my best friend.”

 

Sportacus laughs into Robbie's back, but soon his breath is deep and even, making Robbie jealous at how easily he found sleep. With the way Robbie's heart is pounding at the proximity to Sportacus, he's not sure he can ever get to sleep.

 

But eventually, perhaps because of the comfortable presence behind him, Robbie finds sleep.

 

-and Sportacus will wrap his hand around Robbie's-

 

-he'll press kisses to Robbie's stretch marks, eyes gleaming with something-

 

-the soft parts of Robbie, Sportacus loves them all, has always-

 

-Sportacus will kiss Robbie like he means something, like he means everything-

 

-Robbie will reach, grab, pull, fueled by need-

 

Robbie wakes up, cold and shaking with some indescribable ache.

 

Sportacus is gone, but Robbie can hear him puttering around in the kitchen, no doubt making some ridiculous healthy breakfast with assorted fruits and plenty of protein. He'll probably only take a few bites before he's done, Robbie knows. He always tries to get him to eat just a little more, and sometimes succeeds, but most days Sportacus' obsession with his physique wins out and the rest of his food belongs to Robbie. Robbie doesn't complain about the extra food, but on those days, he makes sure to try and talk Sportacus into eating little bits of food here and there.

 

Robbie stares up at the ceiling, as familiar as his own, and tries not to worry quite so much about his best friend. It's harder to not worry about the man he's in love with.

 

He touches his chest absently and scowls, hating how it can't just be the way he wishes it was. He digs sharp fingernails into his skin to try and draw himself out of the fresh wave of self-hatred, and only somewhat succeeds. He grabs one of the tight sports bras he'd left here, making him almost flat if he wears a big enough shirt. Today's shaping up to be a bad day already, so Robbie pulls on baggiest hoodie he can find. He tries to convince himself that it's a coincidence that this hoodie happens to be Sportacus' Bad Day hoodie, too.

 

Sure enough, Sportacus has a delightful healthy breakfast laid out for them both. But because Sportacus is considerate, there's also a steaming cup of hot chocolate that is absolutely loaded with sugar and marshmallows, just for Robbie.

 

Robbie loves his best friend more than he'd care to admit.

 

“Good morning!” Sportacus says, beaming. “Did you sleep well?” They settle across from each other at the table.

 

“Morning,” Robbie says unenthusiastically. He sips at his hot chocolate, letting the potency of its sugar content wake him up. “I slept fine. Did crawling into my bed help you get to sleep?”

 

Sportacus' pointed ears go red, and he nods quickly. “Yes. Um, thank you, by the way. I know I said it last night, but-”

 

“Anytime, Sportacuddle,” Robbie interrupts. “I meant that, and I still mean it. As much as your abnormally healthy lifestyle irks me, you can sleep with me whenever you feel like it.”

 

Clearing his throat, Sportacus fiddles with his fork, poking at the pieces of fruit on his plate. “That's very kind of you,” he says.

 

Silence falls over the breakfast table, Robbie working his way through his food while Sportacus picks at his. He eats more than usual, but not as much as Robbie would like him to. It's a work in progress, Robbie supposes. It seems that all they are nowadays is a couple of works in progress. But maybe that's why they fit so well together, because neither of them are certain of where they want to be, and they're finding out with each other. It's a sappy thought, but it warms Robbie more than the hot chocolate.

 

“It seems like everyone we know is falling in love,” Sportacus says at length. He doesn't deliver it well enough, and Robbie knows that there's something hidden in that not-so-innocuous sentence.

 

He thinks for a second, trying not to be obvious about dissecting the actual meaning of Sportacus' words. “What do you mean by that?” he says. Robbie spears a piece of cantaloupe with his fork and appraises it, waiting for Sportacus to speak.

 

Sportacus shrugs in Robbie's peripheral vision. “I mean, Trixie and Stephanie are obviously smitten, Pixel has been trying to woo Stingy for years now, the Mayor and Busybody have been, well, busy, and Ziggy is,” he pauses. “Ziggy is still in love with candy, I suppose.”

 

Robbie hums thoughtfully, but internally he's panicking, unable to figure out where this train of thought is going. “Any particular reason you've been paying such close attention to our friends' love lives?”

 

There's a long moment of quiet, and finally Robbie stops pretending to examine this stupid piece of fruit and meets Sportacus' eyes. He's surprised to find that Sportacus looks dejected, his ears drooping and broadcasting his feelings to anyone who'd care to look. He's still playing with his uneaten food, gone too cold by now, not really looking at it but not really looking at Robbie, either.

 

“I, just,” Sportacus tries, then seems to lose the words.

 

Robbie swallows and leans forward, trying to appear welcoming and trustworthy. “Sportabuddy?” he says, knowing it's a weak one but needing Sportacus to talk to him. He relies so much on Sportacus for emotional support that, in times like this, Robbie worries if Sportacus knows he can tell him anything. “You can talk to me,” he says.

 

Sportacus nods. “I know. There's, ah, I think I need to tell you something.”

 

“Is this a conversation for the kitchen, or should we move this somewhere more comfortable?” Robbie asks.

 

Sportacus shakes his head emphatically. “No, no. The kitchen is the place for this. It's the only place for this.” He sighs, and Robbie gives him time to figure out what he needs to say. “I, um,” Sportacus says. He stares down at the table, having abandoned his food and now just twiddling his thumbs. “It's silly, but, I don't know how to- I can't find a reason why anyone would ever fall in love with me and all of our friends are finding people but I can't and I don't know what's wrong with me and you're my best friend in the whole world, Robbie, you are my best friend but I can't understand why I feel so,” he takes a breath, “lonely.”

 

Robbie sits, quiet, dumbstruck, for a while. He's piecing together a puzzle in his mind, formulating a response to something he never thought he'd hear from Sportacus, his confident, beautiful, amazing best friend. He switches seats so he's closer to Sportacus, but doesn't touch him, not sure of whether that would be welcome or not.

 

“Sportacus,” Robbie says, and the name feels odd on his tongue, it's been so long since he use anything other than a nickname.“You're the best person I know. You are. You're the kindest and the strongest and the most giving and accepting person I've ever met. You make my life better just by being in it. Your friends all love you so, so much. It's embarrassing, the lengths we'd go to for you. But we'd go to the ends of the earth. All I can do is be here for you, I can't cure your loneliness, but I can love you. And I do. Every day I love you more. And it's a ridiculous thing to say, it's too sweet even for me, but I feel like you and I were meant to find each other. I don't know who or what put us here, but I know that I couldn't imagine a world without you.” Robbie hesitates, brow creasing while he tries to come up with something better, something more to say. “I'm not good at, um, a lot of things, but with you it feels like none of that matters. I can be me with you, and I want you to know that you can be you with me. I'm here. I'll always be here. Always.”

 

There's a beat of silence, and then Sportacus laughs to himself, soft and sweet. “That was, uh, unexpectedly nice, Robbie,” he says.

 

Robbie feels himself go red and crosses his arms across his chest, looking away from Sportacus. “I'm trying to help, asshole, and you just have to go and make fun of me when I'm spilling my guts to you. Very kind, very nice. I'm so glad I have a best friend like you. I was just going on about how I would do anything for you and then you pull this. I should've expected-”

 

“Robbie!” Sportacus says. He pulls Robbie's arms away from his chest and holds his hands, smiling all gentle and amused. He's looking at Robbie like he hung the moon, and the feeling of that awed gaze on him is making Robbie feel like he's swallowed marbles. “Thank you, Robbie,” Sportacus says. “I hadn't thought about a lot of that before.”

 

He knows he's still blushing hard, so Robbie looks away, mumbling out a noncommittal response.

 

Sportacus squeezes his hands to draw his attention, and Robbie can't not give Sportacus anything he wants and more, so he meets his eyes. “Don't be embarrassed. Thank you very, very much. I'm very lucky to have a friend like you. Putting it all into perspective, I have no reason to be lonely when I have you. You're all I need.”

 

Robbie's breath catches on all the words he wants to say, all the things he wishes. But he isn't worthy of Sportacus' love. He's just a freak that Sportacus is only interested in platonically. “I feel lonely sometimes, too. It doesn't mean you mean any less to me,” Robbie says.

 

“That's true,” Sportacus says. He's not smiling anymore, is looking at Robbie with something far too discerning in his eyes. “Robbie,” he says.

 

“Yes?” Robbie says.

 

Sportacus wets his lips, then sighs, seeming to deflate. “Nevermind. What do you feel like doing today?”

 

Robbie tightens his grip on Sportacus' hands. “What did you want to say? You can tell me.”

 

Sportacus smiles wryly. “Nothing important. I just, I appreciate you. You mean a lot to me, and I don't think I could ever ask for a better best friend.”

 

“Oh,” Robbie says, his hold slackening. “Thank you. I feel the same way. But, you know, about you.”

 

That cheesy grin comes back, and whatever Moment that could've happened passes without incident. Robbie finds himself disappointed by that, because he could've sworn Sportacus could read that Robbie is head over heels for him. But maybe he's not as good at deciphering Sportacus as he thinks he is.

 

“Maybe we could watch some movies?” Sportacus suggests, moving toward his living room. They'd moved Robbie's television and DVD collection in at Robbie's behest, and Sportacus has come to appreciate a lazy day indoors as much as Robbie does.

 

“Sounds good to me,” Robbie says.

 

He follows Sportacus into the living room, feeling like he's just missed something vital.

 


End file.
